Just doing a test...

Pictures from Alex's birth

 Pictures from Alex's entrance to the world...

... Alexandra ...

I actually wrote three or four entries trying to describe Alexandra's entrance, but they always just came out sounding forced and rushed.

I figure this next time might be the charm. :-)

Alexandra was born no issues. Once again, the only gross part about the c-section was when my blood pressure dropped; it literally feels like you are going to start puking your guts out but you are so weak that all you can manage is a sputtering faint cough. It is such an odd thing to meet your new baby. This time Sutter apparently had changed their policies so even c-section babies were given to the mom's right away. They took her out and rather unceremoniously put her on my chest, all blood and gore. I think I may have looked shocked and taken aback. She scored nine's on her APGARS and was by far our smallest baby at 7 lbs, 10 oz. I remember being disappointed for a minute because she wasn't a 9 lb baby which meant I had actually eaten those two extra pounds; it wasn't just baby. I remember thinking it was taking them forever to sew me up because my arm was getting tired holding onto her. She was a pretty quiet little bug when she was born. We got wheeled to our room and I really spent most of the rest of the time alone. Chris had to help shuttle Lia and Davy about so I hung out in the room with her (she didn't have a name at that point) and I think Em and Kate came to hang out for a bit. I remember Em and I talking about how her feet were really blue and I asked twice but both times the nurses said that was normal.

It was around 4pm that Chris, the kids and Linda dropped by. Lia was on her way to ballet class and I told her she could hold Alexandra when she got back. Davy got to hold Alex for a few minutes. The nurse came into do her vitals and said that she looked like she might be some difficulty breathing. I remember the nurse being very cautious not to overstate anything. She came in with a blood oxygen thing that she put on her finger, than on her toe. She said she wanted to take her back to the nursery to be monitored. I was nervous, but I figured what could be wrong? Alex was a healthy weight, great APGARS, full term.

The rest of it is a blur really. I remember them telling me they were calling on the on call pediatrician. The pediatrician came in once to introduce herself and then left. The next time she came in, she pulled up a chair, clasped her hands and leaned forward. It was one of those gestures that you know that they are trying to prepare you for something. She told us that Alex wasn't getting better and we were going to have to move her to Dominican. I think that was the moment that I felt like something could be wrong. She told us that some of the nurses thought she might have been having seizures of some sort. I remember feeling sick. And starting to cry. It took the ambulance a while to get there- Chris spent that entire afternoon, evening sitting with me and comforting me and then checking in on Alex. AMR finally got her ready to go around 10pm. She was in this huge HUGE incubator type thing. I could barely see her. I remember feeling useless and terrible since I couldn't even get up and stand next to the incubator or touch her hand.

The next days are a blur. I remember Chris telling me her lung had collapsed. Somewhere in the middle of this I was moved to the surgical ward of the surg/maternity center which was a god send. I remember sitting in that room by myself, unable to move because of the incision pain, and staring up at the little card they give you of her footprint (right after she was born) and hearing a baby in the next room over cry. It was awful. When they moved me, I was crying because they had taken Alex away. As I was wheeled into the surgery ward, a nurse (who I'm sure was so well meaning) called out, "Where's your baby?" At that moment I wanted to stab her.

But what was amazing and wonderful was my nurse. Monet was one of my L&D nurses with both Lia and Davy and I shot her wedding. She was SO wonderful that whole night.

Anyhow, the next morning I remember they began talking of moving her to Lucile Packard. That utterly freaked me out and devastated me. That day is a blur. Chris company sent us chocolate covered fruit I remember (weird what sticks out...) and I remember I had to sign papers with her legal name. Chris and I were pretty sure she was Alexandra but I remember thinking how odd it was that he wasn't there as I signed her name and her middle name. I hoped I had spelled it the way he wanted. Alexandra Katherine Lock. I remember telling the kids we were going to all sleep at the hospital that night. But then we got word that Alex was leaving for LPCH that evening. If I wanted to see her before she left, I had to go to Dominican then. We got signed out for a day pass and we went over to Dominican. I remember hating EVERYONE then. The social worker who tried to give us some information. The nurses. The Doctors. The person who thought I was going in to deliver and who cheerfully told me in the parking lot, "Smile, your baby will be out soon!" Talk about kicking someone when they're down... :-)

Anyhow, she was intubated at that point. It was also at this point that I realized she had never opened her eyes for me. I had never seen her eyes. For some reason that was a stab in the heart that I could barely get through.

We went back to Sutter after she left. I don't remember if I stayed in the hospital again that night or if we were discharged that night. Either way, I was discharged early. That night we got home and I remember sobbing into Chris' chest in bed that night. It was that disgusting gross crying. The sort where it feels like someone is stomping on your chest and tearing out your throat. It was the worse feeling ever. We had her crib ready. Her clothes. The diapers. Her soft blankets. Her little booties. Ugh. Just remembering that awful feeling makes my throat hurt right now.

And then the days run together. Alex ended up getting a fever after she got to LPCH and I remember being so thankful that the Dr's at Dominican had the forethought to send her to LPCH since she was very very sick. Chris is the only one I think who really understood or will ever understand how sick she really was. He saw her when she was at her very very sickest. He was incredible. He drove every morning to see her, and then back for a nap and lunch, and then he would take me over in the afternoon. He did that for almost ten days. I am still a little in shock about how he managed to get through it all. He was the pillar of strength. He kept my head above water, kept the kids feeling like there was some sense of normalacy and he was there for Alex every second he could.

Visiting her was hard. She was under bilirubin lights and intubated. She was on morphine for pain and sedation medicines to keep her calm. She had these things over her eyes to keep them closed from the bilirubin light. It was just so surreal. I remember when she FINALLY started getting better it was amazing. Gut wrenching in a good way. When they finally removed her tube, I was able to hold her. She was a week old. I remember Chris handing her to me and feeling like tears were coming out of everywhere. I was so happy. I was able to nurse her a few days after and then she improved rapidly. She was transferred back to Dominican where she was for a little under two days and then she was released.

The whole experience was incredible. Both in how awful it was, and how good things came of it. People stepped up to help. They brought food. Watched the kids.

So yeah, that's it. :-)

Two Davy-isms

Davy saw this banana slug crawling up my parent's step and after gazing it in admiration, came up to me, clutched his hands in supplication and begged, "May I please tickle him with a leaf??"

This morning Davy came into the kitchen, brandishing a felt pen and proudly said, "Look!! I put dots all over my pants. Aren't they pretty??"

Faces of Gookah

When it rains...

First off, here is a picture of my new daughter Alexandra Katherine.  She is 100% ok now, but her arrival was one of the most interesting, and hardest of my life.

Anyone who is a parent knows, that even though we fear things like complicated deliveries and sick children, we never actually believe it will happen to us.  Even when taking your baby courses, they will throw the statistics in your face, but you are positive you will be on the good side of the curve when your little one is born.

Fate surprised us once with our first daughter, who needed an emergency C-section.  We assumed lighting had struck us once and would not visit again.  This was reinforced by the fact that our son, David, came into the world flawlessly, and both our kids were pictures of health.

My wifes third pregnancy was the EASIEST of the three.  Relatively little discomfort and smooth sailing the whole time.  We looked forward to the delivery day(which was to be a planned c-section, as my wife must always have since Lia) and were sure that we would sail right into the next months as easily as the previous 9 had gone.

Eight hours after a perfect delivery, we were happy to be holding our new baby, and couldn't be more oblivious to the situation that was brewing for her.  A routine vitals check found that her breathing was somewhat fast and labored, and she was taken to the nursery for observation.  Just an hour after that she was being wisked away to a neighboring hospital and a Level 3 NICU.  For my wife and I, who had already been doing our endzone dance, this felt like a slap in the face as the on call pediatrician(through teary eyes) informed us that our daughter had some kind of infection in her lungs and would need help to breathe.

I sat up the first night with baby Alex not sure what to think.  She was clearly sick now and getting sicker every hour.  100% Oxygen was not enough to keep her blood properly saturated, so she was intubated.  There I was, sitting someplace I never thought I would be: next to my child being kept alive by a machine.

Eventually I had to leave her to go pick up my other kids, but there was "slight" improvement and the doctors were saying we just needed to wait for the infection to run it's course.  7 days.  The next day I was reporting this to Amanda, when the phone rang.  It was the Neonatologist callingt o say that Alex's lungs had collapsed, requiring them to pressurize her lungs, and that she was to be driven within the hour to Stanford Children's Hospital.

Well, you know your kid is sick when you are at Stanford. And we were the unofficial "sickest baby" in the NICU.  102 fever. 100% O2, 20PPM NO2, and 3 of 4 breaths being given to her by a machine.  She never woke, hardly moved.  Just breathed.  For 10 days I drove highway 17 twice a day to be with her and bring news back to Amanda and the rest of my family.

If I thought this was as bad as it got, I would be proven wrong as news of an absurdly high fever and lung infection had my brother spending the night in an ER.  The next day, my father had a series of blood tests indicating a FAILING liver.  A chest x-ray indicating a DEAD LUNG or Hodgkins Lymphoma.

Oddly, I was pretty numb by now.  Just asking for information, given what information I had, as 3 Locks faced extremely uncertain medical outcomes.

But looking back now, this could have been harder.  Our friends and family rallied around us to make sure this was as easy as possible.  We never needed to cook a dinner.  Our kids were watched at all hours of the day or night.  These little gifts were the things that allowed Amanda and myself to focus on the family health.

Well, it all turned out ok.  Alexandra slowly recovered, and after 10 uncertain days, was release to us and declared 100% recovered from Sepsis and Pulminary Hypertension.  Mike was given antibiotics for his bronchitis, and my dad was informed(by a rather embarrassed doctor) that a culture had return positive for a Mono-like virus that can effect liver function, and that he would be fine.

So my paternity leave turned out to not be as relaxing as I thought.  I can't wait for vacation... 

 

 

Look close. Two children in this bed...

Sent from my iPhone

My four year old engineer...

Lia has a toy bunk bed for her dolls that has a cardboard base for the top bunk. This recently started drooping and falling through. Her solution shocked me with its level of sophistication. Maybe she will be a civil engineer:

Sent from my iPhone

Skyward strike!

Sent from my iPhone

Eyes

Last night as I got the kids ready for bed, we discussed in detail eyeballs. What they were made of, why I wore contacts, why they didn't pop out, etc. It was a very in depth discussion full of hypothetical statements and deep thoughts.

It must have been on Davy's mind this morning.

I was sucking on a throat lozenge due to my nasty cough, and in a fit of sneezing, it flew out of my mouth and landed at Davy's feet who was sitting near me. He took one look at it, scooted back and squeaked in tones of horror, "IS THAT YOUR EYE!?!?!?!"